Setting A Good Example - Being A Positive Role Model

There’s no hiding it. For quite a few months I’ve been pushing my boundaries and possibly my luck.

Photo: shadow–angel

Interestingly and surprisingly my boundaries continue to expand and so does my luck. The only thing that seems to diminish is time.

But as I continue to make progress both in life and online I remain vulnerable to influences which are out of my control.

It’s the same for all of us, so I certainly don’t consider myself to be special.

I’ve packed my life so full of activity of various descriptions that there’s little room for manoeuvre.

The ‘activity’ includes all the regular and routine things that have to get done. And yes, they do have to get done.

OK, so I won’t die if I don’t do them but there will be other undesirable consequences.

As an example, putting off the housework is sometimes necessary to cope when life gets busy, but it doesn’t take long for this tactic to backfire. Before you know it you can’t find things in amongst the mess. You get frustrated, you lose your temper quicker, and you raise your voice at the kids and your partner.

Quite quickly the task of getting back on top becomes too daunting, so procrastination sets in and the problem is amplified.

The chaos causes you to run late, which causes you to drive quicker, which leads to anxiety, frustration, distraction and then lack of judgement. Which can be bad behind the wheel of a car.

When everything is going well I have no problem. It all just about fits together with a bit of juggling.

Fairly obvious stuff I suppose, and yet that doesn’t stop the descent into chaos.

For the last four weeks I’ve had to contend with colds which have dragged on and on. I know I’ve mentioned this before, it seems to be a common feature of my life, but it’s the unseen extras that go with the colds that cripple me and my good intentions.

These include: Having the children home from school. Having to spend half an hour on the phone to get a doctor’s appointment. Visiting the doc with all the children in tow. Then picking up the meds and remembering what to administer to whom and when.

The children are extra whingy, whiney, moany and stroppy. They don’t eat. They don’t sleep and they won’t let anyone else sleep either. They wake me frequently with either pitiful moans or blood curdling screams, and they won’t be fobbed of with a pat on the head and a comforting word.

They’re just ultra demanding and want to be attached skin to skin for the whole time whether by day or by night.

I don’t begrudge my children the attention they want and need, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel frustrated.

The events of the last four weeks have influenced my own mood and my ability to progress my online endeavours. I’ve made commitments to people recently and I’ve felt bad that I haven’t been able to come through as quickly as would have liked.

Fortunately for me those people, Tara, Dave, Sean and Tim have remained generous in their support and quick to understand and forgive.

I just don’t like letting people down.

Lately I’ve eased up from blogging and reading blogs and my withdrawal is evidenced by the fact I’ve been slow to respond to comments. I’m certain I’ve made the right decision but I want you to know this doesn’t mean I’ve given up or that I will ever give up.

As I was procrastinating while trying to write this post, I flicked on the reader and caught Naomi Dunford’s latest offering which really hit home. It helped me to realise why I’m making these problems for myself by pushing my boundaries and my luck. It helped me realise why I’m writing guest posts and getting involved in other projects.

Naomi’s words helped me to put my own troubles into perspective and re-ignited my belief that it will all be worth it in the end. I know that I just need to persevere and continue to make the right decisions for me and my family – even if I inconvenience others - because I suspect they’ll forgive me as long as long I’m honest and open with them.

I only just kept to my commitment to post again today (being Tuesday). But I did it and I feel good about it.

I will post again this week but I’m afraid I can’t commit to a specific day, so instead of taking pot luck and clicking through, you might want to subscribe for free and have the post delivered to your reader.

If I’m slow to respond to comments I hope you’ll understand.

Dave.

PS In case you think I’m beating myself up…. I’m not

PPS I’ve discovered that Naomi Dunford has a fantastic voice. I could listen to her talk about starting a home business for hours. Although her honeyed tones leave me somewhat distracted and unable to concentrate.

PPPS I’m still very happy

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In a very mix-and-match post on Tuesday I mentioned that I’d managed to put up a few more stair gates around the house to prevent my littlest girl having free access to the entire space.

Well, now I wish I’d installed just one more gate.

Picture: crackle

You see my little darling waited till my back was turned and hid herself away in the downstairs toilet. She must have been in there for just a minute before I realised it was all too quiet.

I don’t know how I knew, but I knew she was in the toilet.

What I discovered when I opened the door was my little angel dipping her hand into the bowl. Urrggh.

Prior to that she’d managed to liberate every single wet-wipe from a brand new pack. Half of them were strewn across the floor and I could see another wad of them in her fist - the fist that was dipped in toilet water. Urrrrgggghhh.

It got worse.

Before I could stop her she lifted this wad of sodden wipes to her mouth and sucked all the ‘juice’ out of them. Urrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!

There was water all over the floor and she was soaked from head to toe.

I cleaned her up and cleaned the spilt water from the floor.

I fully expected her to fall ill later that day and anticipated being up half the night trying to dodge projectile vomiting. Fortunately it didn’t come to pass.

So, yesterday afternoon I was relating the story to one of the mothers I talk to in the school playground.

I felt very embarrassed because clearly applying her own high standards she suggested it shouldn’t be too bad as toilets get cleaned regularly. Yeah. Errr. Hers might, but mine hasn’t seen bleach in over a week. I told her so too and she laughed.

Surprised at her reaction I enquired as to the source of her amusement and she volunteered, “Look on the bright side, if you’d cleaned the toilet it could have been so much worse, you’d have been dealing with bleach poisoning.”

So it turns out that I’m a great parent after all.

Guest Post

I’m very proud to have a guest post being featured at WriterDad.com today.

Sean Platt the man at the controls of the electronic quill and parchment, is without doubt a star of the future.

His ascent toward the stars is rocket fuelled and shows no signs of slowing or running off course.

My article is called Dare To Dream.

Thanks for reading.

I’ll be back here again on Tuesday. See you then.

Dave.

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Following on from the apparent success of Internet connection problems, I bring you Part 2 of this open ended series in which I make more excuses for not writing a proper post like:

• We’ve had some prolonged power outages

• I left my laptop in my other pants, and,

• The dog ate my laptop

In future instalments of this series I’ll telling further outrageous lies like:

• The cheque’s in the post,

• Yeah, yeah, of course I love you, and,

• Oh Honey, I love your new hair style

Heee heee!

What a week!

Snot

The children were off school all last week for their Autumn break, which combined nicely with three of them being ill (as previously mentioned (several times )). The sleepless nights and snot fest continued unabated for the entire week.

Phew. They’re back at school now and thankfully the mucus has all dried up, although I’m still finding snail’s trails everywhere.

NBOTW

I started and ended my reign as NBOTW over at Blogging Without A Blog. Thank you Barbara!

This week’s NBOTW is Think Maya and reminds me that I’ve barely had time to read or comment on other blogs lately and it makes me a bit sad



Congrats Maya, I’ll be stopping by a little later to catch up.

Halloween

I was bullied in to celebrating Halloween by Tara and Dave and I’m glad I caved in like the lily livered spineless jellyfish that I am.

We had great fun with badly carved pumpkins and some costumes for the kids. We didn’t dwell on the scary aspects of Halloween but we did turn the lights off and party by candlelight. I baked a great Halloween cake which for all the world looked like a regular cake, but I put some dark icing on it and slapped a plastic bat on top. Voila, Halloween Cake.

I’m 40!

BloggerDad who writes about humor and poo, stuff and whatnot outed me on Saturday. No, my marriage and four kids are not an elaborate smoke screen to provide a façade of heterosexuality. No, I turned 40 years old on Saturday and I’ll probably write about it provided the dog doesn’t actually eat my laptop.

Thanks Dave BloggerDad Wright (39yrs) and thanks to everyone else who wished me a Happy Birthday.

Tag

While my back was turned I got tagged by Tim Atkinson another Stay At Home Dad who writes ‘Bringing Up Charlie’. It looks like Tim is set to become a published author with ‘Writing Therapy’. Come on Tim, do tell us more.

Tim really takes the biscuit when it comes to finding excuses not to blog. He recently threw himself down the stairs and broke his hand. Lame Tim. Very lame.

I’ll come back to the tag during the next power outage scheduled for next Monday.

Baby Gates

My youngest daughter at 22 months has been walking for a couple of months now. I know she’s a late starter but she’s really making up for it now.

Because she’s quite old (relative to babies who walk at 12 months) she’s quite tall, so not only can she get everywhere, she can also reach everything. Our other three children made a gradual progression toward being able to reach all the dangerous and valuable things but the youngest just sprung it on us and I wasn’t prepared.

For the last two months I’ve been chasing her around the house and feeling harassed.

So while I was slacking off from blogging this weekend I was able to reposition and refit some of our baby gates to limit my daughter’s access around the house. Calm has now been restored.

Guest Post

Following my recent guest post at Tara’s blog (From Dawn Till Rusk) entitled Dave Fowler Rocks My World, He Can Rock Yours Too , I’ve got another guest post looming later this week at another fabulous blog. I link to it once it’s published.

It’s all so exciting. Woo hoo!

Fitness

I’ve been threatening for the last two months to continue my fitness and fatloss campaign. I’ve been stalling on this deliberately because the opportunity of a collaboration presented itself. The opportunity was far too good to turn down, hence the delay.

Although it’s still a work in progress the launch of this project is imminent.

I can’t wait to get started!

The End

Hehe. I shall post again on Thursday.

Thanks

Dave.

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Internet connection problems

Sorry, but I’m having real problems getting online today. The window of opportunity doesn’t last too long, so I’m not going to post what I had scheduled for today, simply because I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to respond.

I’ll post again once the connection has stabilised.

My apologies,

Dave.

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In What I Learnt From Crashing The Car – Part 1 I talked about walking in the woods with the dogs and all four of my children about this time last year. Toward the end of the walk one of the dogs went missing and I got myself into a right old tizzy.

Picture: envyxme

The kids were crying and wailing, bitching and moaning and getting right on my fraying nerves.

It wasn’t their fault, but it all added to the tension that I was feeling at that moment.

Getting into my car was the worst thing I could have done, but I did it.

On my way out of the woods in a temper filled determination to find that damned dog, I had to negotiate the car around some metal bollards and I totally misjudged it, shredding three panels on the side of my car.

Now back to the story…..

What - an - IDIOT!

I knew instantly what I’d done and I knew instantly that I was at fault.

From the back of the car came the shouts, “Daddy, Daddy, what’s happened?” “Daddy, you’ve crashed the car.”

My response was shameful.

In a disgraceful outburst I bellowed at them. I used a very angry voice accompanied by a very angry expression.

(I’m cringing with embarrassment as I type this.)

Again I immediately knew what I’d done and my heart sunk even further. To ensure I didn’t say anything else I’d later regret I got myself out to the car and walked 20 feet away.

What followed wasn’t pretty but amounted to a grown man having a man-sized fit of temper on a public road. I imagine it looked threatening, frightening and very silly and funny all at the same time.

But I needed to do it. I needed to vent. I had to get it out of my system.

You see, it wasn’t just the dog going missing and it wasn’t just the damaged car, it was months of pressure (most of it self imposed) that had brought me to this point.

I was dissatisfied in so many ways with my life and I laid the blame for that firmly at my own feet.

What I was at that point, was a collection of the decisions I had made for myself over a period of time, most of them were obviously poor decisions and I hated what I was becoming.

I felt out of control and overwhelmed at work and I felt out of touch and emotionally fatigued at home.

The challenges of raising four children all born in reasonably quick succession and a stressful job (which I wasn’t enjoying), combined with other issues (including my inability to manage the internal an external conflicts they produced) to bring me to this point – an almost complete loss of control.

Standing looking at the torn metal of my car having shouted and screamed for couple of minutes, I could have sworn I was crying - except there were no tears.

I was in a sorry state.

The very next thing I did was phoned my wife.

It’s at moments like these when you recognise the value of strong relationships. At that moment she became the adult voice for both of us and she reassured me that everything would be okay. And it was.

I collected my thoughts and my composure and returned to the car. I reassured the children that their daddy was fine. The children were adamant that they were to blame because they’d been shouting and arguing but I assured them they were not and that it was no one’s fault but mine.

It took me twenty minutes to get that message through to them, followed by several other one off attempts throughout the day.

The guilt they were feeling had been triggered by my reaction in the car in addition to my earlier aggravated behaviour. It’s something I never ever want them to feel again.

I knew back at the scene that I was going to do something about my situation but this knowledge of the guilt my children were feeling doubled my resolve.

I got my act together that day and immediately started to change the things I didn’t like.

I started getting up at 5am and exercising. I started eating better and eating less. I got into work earlier and got back on top of my hellish workload. I got myself organised properly at home and at work and I started to feel better about myself.

I stopped moaning at work and started to use positive language. I stopped wasting my time with time wasters and started to make progress.

The weight came off and I became so much more productive at work and at home.

I learnt that having accepted the blame for the position I was in, and then done something about it, I was able to forgive myself and move closer to the image of myself I wanted the world to see – the real me.

The reminder that came from my little helper in the back of the car the other day wasn’t unusual, because as I say, I’m often reminded, but this time it caused me to remember what I’d felt at the time of the incident and how much that spurred me on to make some positive changes.

The point is, I don’t have to recreate the negative feelings associated with the incident to bring about similar changes now or in the future. I can use my children’s innocent but repeated reminders as the trigger to keep me motivated and changing for the better - because now I associate the incident with the successes that came about in the following weeks.

I look back on this now and I laugh about it. It’s just so damn ridiculous, how could I not laugh?

I mean, I’d lost the dog, lost my rag, trashed the car, thrown a major hissy fit like a pissy two year old and to cap it all…. I found the dog in the company of the Town Wardens who were kind enough to present me with a fine for letting my dog roam free. The utter fugging bar-stewards!

I learnt a good many things from that episode not least of which was that I had the power to change my life but one will stick with me forever… never drive while angry.

Haha. And I bet you thought I was going to say that the Town Wardens are shits!

-

I’m going to tap into this source of inspiration again very shortly in relation to my lapsed fitness. I’ve been meaning to do something about it for weeks but it’s something I’ve been delaying with good reason. I’ll share that reason with you next week.

Have a great weekend, I’ll post again on Monday.

Dave.

One last thing…. Life Coach and all round funny fugger Tim Brownson had a guest piece published at ProBlogger. I don’t often write about the process of blogging here but it’s something that interests me greatly and I’m delighted to recommend this article concerning The Psychology of Blogging. Hey, if it’s good enough for me and Darren Rowse, it’s good enough for you.

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After posting on Monday to tell you about the time I crashed my car, I really didn’t expect to be posting again until Thursday. My commitments are such this week that I am very time limited, plus I’m trying to get more sleep. Hence the meagre posting schedule this week.

In only my second week of blogging I decided to set up a Trophies page in which to celebrate my blogging successes. It was never intended to be an exercise in being and arrogant fat-head but more an exercise in taking a pride in my achievements rather than dismissing them as unimportant.

Today I get to add to that page because Barbara Swafford has featured me as NBOTW - New Blog Of The Week over at her wonderful site dedicated to helping others learn to blog . Barbara has developed a great community and I’m grateful to be considered part of it.

I’m delighted to have been recognised in this way, so Thank you Barbara - you have me grinning like an idiot.

I’ll be over at Barbara’s later to respond to comments, so I hope you’ll be able to join me there.

Thanks

Dave

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Taking my children out in the car this morning to enjoy our morning walk with the dog. One of my snotty kids (three of them have colds) said, “Mummy is a better driver than you.”

Picture: envyxme

I replied, “WHAT!”

Clarification was forthcoming in the form of, “Well Mummy has never crashed the car like you.”

Ah. Yes. That’s right, mummy has never crashed the car - but I have – and I’ve never been allowed to forget it.

The truth is, there’s nothing to debate about the initial remark anyway, Mummy really is a better driver than me - she has a certificate to prove it.

My thoughtful child reminded me of the event at exactly the point where the incident happened. Nice timing!

It happened on a narrow track leading into the woods where the local authority built a chicane. This obstacle consists of metal bollards forming an ‘S bend’ and it’s just wide enough to get my seven seater Chrysler through.

It’s designed to stop trucks gaining access to dump industrial waste, and usually I’m glad of its presence.

So on this fateful day last year - around this time of year funnily enough - I had been in the woods with all of the children walking our three dogs. Toward the end of the walk one of the dogs decided to do a bunk so I spent 10 minutes shouting for him and getting myself into a terrible state.

I decided to get into the car and drive to the other side of the woods to see if I could head him off. I suspected he was returning to a spot where the grass was sprinkled with the calling card of a female of the species. I hadn’t tested it myself but all three of the dogs had frolicked there earlier so it was either that or a body in a shallow grave.

The children started whining because it was cold and they didn’t want me to leave without the dog. Our youngest child was still a baby and was starting to cry. I wasn’t having a great time and a dark mood descended upon me.

I was going to throttle this bloody dog when I found it.

I loaded the children into the car trying my best to ignore them but they were managing to get under my skin.

I set off toward this chicane that I’d negotiated hundreds of times before and predictably they all chose this moment to really start shouting and screaching.

For a split second I lost my concentration and as I turned into the bollards I heard the sound of metal being scraped and gouged. It was a sickening sound immediately followed by a sideways jolt as one of the bollards acted as a pivot against my turn.

You’d think I’d have stood on the brakes and stopped. But oh no. I was in such a rage I just carried on and made sure I took the entire side of the car out instead of just one panel.

I’ll tell you how this story ends when I post again on Thursday.

_

I’d just like to draw your attention to a fellow blogger who is currently looking for online work. I’ve wracked my brains but I’ve been unable to help.

Scribbles08 has written about the kind of work she is looking for and goes on to describe her situation.

Please have a look and see if you can offer any suggestions. Thanks. Dave.

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I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

Picture: saphir66

I have no idea where I heard that phrase but it was probably a song and doubtless I’ll be told before too long. (Actually, it would be nice to know. )

It’s a nice sentiment. It speaks of living life to the full and not squandering our time on earth by spending too long in bed.

In fact, I think it probably goes further than that and suggests it’s OK to steal time you would ordinarily use for sleeping.

That’s what I’ve been doing for the last three or four weeks and quite deliberately too. I wanted to press ahead and get on top of the goals I’ve set for myself and I was willing to pay the price in terms of sleep deprivation.

I’ve got to the stage now where I’m happy to slow things down and have a rest.

All the frenetic activity of the last few weeks needs to be set aside so that I can take stock of where I am and where I’m going.

I want to look at my position through a pair of well rested eyeballs rather than the blood shot blobs I’m currently seeing in the mirror.

My general level of sleep deficit has been brought home to me this week by the fact that three of my four children have had head colds. It’snot a fun time. (deliberate typo).

I think it was Monday night when I got up no less than 12 times to attend to one of the children, who were either struggling with blocked noses, hacking coughs or nightmares.

During the day each of them is a little more needy than usual and things around the house take longer to get done – if they get done at all.

When life’s like this, seven hours sleep just doesn’t cut it.

For the next two weeks I’m going to drop some of the extra burden I’ve been carrying and get an additional hour in bed each night.

I can pick up the pace again in a couple of weeks.

How would you like an extra hour in bed?
And that’s NOT a proposition!



Have a terrific weekend, I’ll be back again on Monday.

Dave.

Once again, I’d just like to thank Tara for allowing me to use her space for my guest post yesterday. You can read it on her blog… From Dawn Till Rusk

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Today marks a big day for me.

I landed a guest post! My first guest post!

It’s amazing to think that someone else can tolerate my blah enough to want to see it plastered all over their own site.

That fabulous someone is Tara Cain. And her fabulous blog is called From Dawn Till Rusk.

If you want to find out why I’m just a ‘Simple Circus Monkey’ please swing by and have a read.

Thanks Tara, you’re me best pal ya are.

As promised on Monday, I’ll be back with more tomorrow (tomorrow being Friday for those who don’t know what day comes after Thursday ).

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