The Return Of A Selfish Blogger

by Dave Fowler on 27 March, 2009

selfishNearly two months ago I announced that I was quitting blogging and so many of you left a message to wish me well. Thank you all for being so generous.

Picture: WonderFerret

I had every intention of replying to each and every one of you in person (as was my habit) but I didn’t get around to it. I’m sorry about that, you at least deserved an acknowledgement.

The thing is I just couldn’t face it. At the time I decided to quit, I pushed away the keyboard and screen and decided that I didn’t want my family to see me anywhere near a computer.

It was a good decision. Time away has helped me to understand where I went wrong and what I needed to do to make things better.

I’ve rebuilt my bridges, made them even stronger and now I’m ready to have another shot at blogging.

Teach My Children will continue, but I’m going to change the focus and approach it in a different way.

At the moment I plan to post here every month to six weeks. I haven’t decided exactly what I’m going to write about but it will be linked to parenting – after all, I have a wealth of knowledge having spent the last eight years raising four children.

In the meantime I’ve started a new blog called Selfish Blogger. It’s non-niche personal blog aimed at maintaining an active online presence.

The most striking thing about the new blog is I’ve turned off the comments and left a link to Twitter (just as I have at the bottom of this page). That’s right, I expect you to read what I write, but I’m not going to let you reply! Selfish huh?

Actually, turning off the comments doesn’t mean closing people out or denying them a voice, I’ve just tried to be a little more inventive to make sure I can spend time online without it taking over my life.

If you’re still interested in exchanging insults with me after I’ve ignored you for so long, then come across to Selfish Blogger and click the link through to Twitter.

I hope to see you there.

Thanks

Dave.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

anewdawnFor a while now I’ve been wondering why I’m still struggling to reach my goals in life. I don’t lack ambition and I’m not afraid of hard work and yet I still haven’t achieved a better life for my family.

Picture: clarity

Nine months ago I left work to stay at home and look after the children. It was a difficult step to take having invested nearly two decades in my career but it felt like the right thing to do.

Having settled in to life at home and realised how difficult it was looking after small children I began to understand how undervalued and overworked stay at home parents (usually mothers) really are.

The lifestyle of a stay at home parent is full to the brim with activity. There are emotional high and lows of equal intensity and one can replace the other within a split second.

There are plenty of delightful moments you couldn’t buy even if you had all the money in the world but they are often interspersed with the drudgery and grind of everyday life and the pressures of being home alone with the kids.

I came to accept and understand how this all worked and I started to get control of the daily routine and found myself enjoying my role.

The only problem with the arrangement right from the start has been the tight finances. After a while I started to feel disempowered and vulnerable through lack of money – or more properly, lack of my own money. I wonder how familiar that last sentence would sound to countless mothers? We were relying solely on my wife’s wages and I knew that would start to hurt us eventually.

I started to look for ways of earning money from home and in my search for the answers I discovered blogging. I wasn’t sure that blogging would be the thing to earn me money but I believed it would lead me to find a way to earn a living. I set about building this site and getting involved in the online community.

As it took off, I started devoting more and more time to this pursuit, getting my story out there and spreading my name. It didn’t take long for me to realise how open ended blogging is. You are never finished. There’s always one more site to read, one more comment to make and one more post to write.

Trying to fit all this in with my responsibility at home has been tremendously difficult. I’ve tried numerous ways to make it work including getting up as early as four in the morning, and going to bed well after midnight.

I’ve worked my backside off to get it all done and most of the time I simply didn’t get it all done and spent time frantically playing catch up.

As I mentioned in a previous post, around Christmas, I agreed with my wife that I’d return to work in April and I agreed to this without condition - but I still clung on to the belief that I could turn around my fortune in the weeks before the deadline.

On Tuesday someone said something to me that shook me to my core and instantly I knew what I had to do.

I’m giving up blogging

Enough is enough.

I’m writing about how much I love the stay at home life and how much I love my family and yet, when I look back on it, I haven’t seen them for the last six months and all they’ve seen is the back of my head as I sit at the kitchen table typing away.

The project I was going to announce to you was to be my breakthrough moment, the moment when my efforts started to pay off. Such was my rush to get this project underway - to offset the need to return to work - I redoubled my effort to get content written and take care of all my other responsibilities.

I might well have launched two weeks ago if I hadn’t had such dreadful problems with my site, and because of the pressure I was under to make this work, I found my frustrations boiling over into the home.

I’ve been blind to the fact that life is going on around me and mostly without me. I’m present in the household but only really in body, my mind is elsewhere and I now know that it’s hurting the people I love.

The irony is that if I’d used the time I’ve spent blogging and networking to sell things on ebay, I would be financially better off – significantly better off. If I hadn’t spent my time writing about life rather than living it, I would be surrounded by a happy family instead of a family who perhaps feel they don’t know me anymore and might have been able to remain a stay at home dad.

In my single minded drive to make a better life, I’ve actually made it worse.

I’m not sure whether I still have the credibility with my family to ask for another try to make being a stay at home dad work. I suspect not. But who could blame them?

The thing is I’m not a bad guy. I’m generous, loving and giving by nature and I haven’t set out to hurt anyone deliberately, but hurt them I have. And now with what’s left of the time I have before I return to work, I’m going to immerse myself in family life.

Please don’t think ill of me, I have to let this part of my life go, I have to continue to teach my children well by doing the right thing, no matter how difficult that may be.

Thank you for sticking with me for all this time, I’ve honestly had a great time and learnt a great deal.

The people whose company I’ve enjoyed the most were all mentioned in my last post, and I dare say I’ve missed a few, but I hope those not on the list will understand that my memory may have failed me.

What I do want to do before I go is offer special thanks to the following people:

Ladies first. Tara Cain. Tara has been the most brilliant and wonderful friend to me right from the very start. She has encouraged me and supported me unstintingly in everything I’ve done. Tara was the first to comment on my site and the first to offer me a guest post at her blog. If you don’t get to know this fine lady you’re missing out. She’s the best! Thank you Tara. X

And in alphabetical order:
Dave the Pop Culture Cartoon guy, also known as Blogger Dad. The man is generous to a fault and has given so much of his time to me. He has inspired me to dig deep and find resolve where I thought I had none and his drive and determination are to be admired as nothing less than super human effort. Thank you Dave.

Sean the POTTY TRAINING HELP / Writer DAD / Find Your Voice guy, is just one of the warmest and most genuine guys you could ever wish to meet. His own continuing story of liberation from the shackles of a regular life has been amazing. Sean is what he appears to be – a remarkable man. Thanks Sean.

Tim the Real Life Coach, is one of the most down to earth and sincere men I have had the pleasure to encounter. I’ve spoken to Tim on the phone and had dozens of email conversations with him, he’s a funny guy and very endearing in way I can’t quite find the words to describe. I’ve read his Life Coaching Books books and I thoroughly recommend them to you. Part of the reason I feel I’m able to do what I’m doing now is because of the content of Tim’s books and website. Following my return to work - when I get the money coming in - I’ll be hiring him for sure. I just wish I’d done it sooner! Thank you Tim.

I’d like you to know that I haven’t quit and I haven’t given up on my dreams, but clearly now is not my time for making them happen.

Please feel free to leave a comment, but please also understand that there may be a delay in my response.

Give me a week or so and I’ll drop in to Twitter and annoy you or amuse you there. I haven’t decided what to do with TMCW yet. I’d like to think that I could come back to it in six months and tell you all that I really have become a better father, husband and friend.

In the meantime take care.

All the very best,

Dave.

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I’ve Emptied My Feedreader Into A Blog Post

by Dave Fowler on 3 February, 2009

sevenI got tagged in December 08 by Mom/Mumand being the clearly efficient sort that I am, I’m responding in February! :lol:

Picture: flattop341

I’ve decided to add a twist to this and rather than tag someone else, I’ve basically emptied my feed reader into it.

I leave you with an open invitation to respond, if you feel so inclined.

Mom/Mum hit with the 7s, so straight to business…

7 Things I wanted to be when I was 7
1. Airline Pilot
2. Astronaut
3. Firefighter
4. Soldier
5. Train Driver
6. Professional Football Player
7. Cowboy

7 Things I’d buy right now if I won the millions
1. Country house estate
2. Eternity ring for my wife
3. New laptop
4. 15 T-Shirts
5. A big fridge freezer
6. Walking boots
7. A great big melting pot, big enough to take the world and all it’s got

7 Fruits I like to eat in order of preference
1. Bananas
2. Apple
3. Orange
4. Kiwi
5. Mango
6. Grapes
7. Pear

7 Ways to annoy me
1. Thrash about while I’m trying to change your nappy
2. Ask me to wipe your bottom when you’re perfectly capable of wiping it yourself
3. Start a fight with your brother and sister and then come crying to me when you lose
4. Put wet hand prints on my jeans while I’m trying to bathe you
5. Touch me with hands that you’ve just had down the front of your pants
6. Torment me for an hour while I cook you a meal and then refuse to eat it
7. Insist on hearing The Court Of King Caractacus 6 times over on every car journey

7 Random thoughts
1. Homer is not my middle name
2. Jam is not jelly and jelly is not jam
3. I haven’t had athletes foot in over twenty years
4. I want under-floor heating
5. Frey Bentos pies are nasty
6. It’s about time that someone walked on the moon again
7. Giving birth must sting a little

7 Movies I’ve never seen
1. The Godfather
2. Reservoir Dogs
3. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
4. Fight Club
5. Psycho
6. Brokeback Mountain
7. Taxi Driver

7 Places I’ve visited
1. Spain
2. France
3. Netherlands
4. Canary Islands
5. Ireland
6. Belgium
7. Dallas/Fort Worth

The links were pretty much random. A few people have been specially selected for certain words, but beyond that, it’s random.

Although it’s a bit of fun some may not like the associations or the links might not work, and if either of those is the case I’ll happilmake changes. Email: contact (at) teachmychildrenwell (dot) com

Mom/Mum, I know I owe you a more recent tag - and just so you know, I’ll be replying to that in July!! :lol:

Thanks Mom/Mum

Thanks All – I hope you enjoyed this old nonsense. :D

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How My Children Are Helping Me To Lose Weight

by Dave Fowler on 28 January, 2009

soupMy lunch on Saturday was a bowl of tomato soup with two slices of fresh crusty bread.

Picture: 177

With my children already sitting at the table eating their sandwiches and carrot sticks, I too sat with my soup and bread. I hadn’t even bitten into the first slice of bread when one of my children asked for some of my soup.

I got another bowl, decanted some of the soup into it and passed it to my eldest boy. I picked up my bread to try for another bite but before I’d moved the bread even an inch, he asked if he could have one of the slices.

These were the last two slices in the house, but it’s my son, so I gave him the bread. On the bright side, I still had another slice left.

He was happy - and that made me happy.

I’d managed to get a few spoons of soup down my gullet along with a couple of mouthfuls of bread when a little hand reached across and started to drag my bowl of soup away from me. It was youngest daughter who got busy spooning the soup into her mouth.

She was happy – and that made me happy.

Now all I had left was my slice of bread. The last slice.

Not for long though. As my daughter watched her brother dipping his bread in his soup, she obviously thought it was a splendid idea and held out her hand for my bread.

Sigh

Off I went to the cupboard looking for a healthy choice. I thought I’d do the decent thing and eat a handful of mixed nuts and raisins.

Nope!

They were gone. I assume my wife had the same idea and took them to work.

I assumed that she was happy – but I was hungry :(

In the end it was quite pitiful as I went scavenging food from my children’s plates. A soggy half chewed crust here, a gnarled saliva coated carrot stick there.

I quickly lost my appetite.

If meal times continue this way I’ll have washboard abs in about two weeks. I’ll also be badly malnourished and in danger of losing my teeth.

Meh!

In other news….

Ive lost 3lbs this week, Pop Culture Cartoon Boy has lost an impressive 5lbs and Mrs Sticky who is the best cheerleader for Daddy Bloggers that I know of, has maintained - all the details are over at Blog To Fit. Speaking of which, it’s about time that Potty Training Help Guy fessed up to the state of his physical condition. He’s floated in and out but has been reluctant to reveal his six pack abs to us.

On another subject entirely, my last two weeks have been blighted with trying to fix my slow running site so I haven’t stuck to my posting plan. I’m not sure that I’ve fixed it yet but it seems to be better?. Thank you to Matthew Dryden up-and-coming writer and spoken-word poet for offering me some assistance - and Matthew, I may still need your assistance.

Thank you also to Patricia at Patricia’s Wisdom who, whilst helping individuals create a positive life change, helped to give me a lift when I needed one. :D

Thank you for reading. :)

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Feet

by Dave Fowler on 26 January, 2009

little-feet-by-irargerichHello one and all.

Firstly let me apologise for the slow running site. It has been reported to the host and although I’ve had a reply, it didn’t really help, so I’m back in the queue again. Harumph.

Picture: lrargerich

I did try turning on the WP-CACHE thingy which made page loading a bit speedier but it chopped off half the page, so I’ve turned it off again.

I can’t help but feel I’ve been a bit unlucky with my hosting in the short time I’ve been blogging.

I was thinking about this on Friday evening while I was wrestling with the behind the scenes gubbins on the server. I have no real idea what I’m doing and everything I do with the inner workings of this blog is trial-and-error-best-guess-stab-in-the-dark kinda stuff.

After getting thoroughly frustrated with the whole thing I went to recline on the couch in a heap of defeated despair.

My littlest saw me and made a beeline for me. Up she hopped and decided to stand on my face. I don’t know why she felt inclined to do that, but she did and my grumpiness vanished instantly. I felt her little two year old feet press into my eye sockets as she giggled at her triumph and despite the discomfort I marvelled at the closeness that’s possible between a child and their parent.

My youngest girl is growing up quickly now and I know I’m going to miss the days when she and the other children used to use me as their personal adventure playground.

It was a perfect moment.

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