Women’s Work: The Hardest Work I’ve Ever Done

I’m not sexist

I find sexism offensive, but I occasionally find sexist humour, humorous – because it allows us (both genders) to laugh at ourselves. Lately I’ve been laughing at myself because I now see how easy I had it while I was a career man – so I hope you’ll pardon the title.

Picture: jeannabet

I want to focus your attention on how undervalued and unappreciated Housewives and Stay At Home Mums (Moms) are. I think this is true of society in general, but here I’m talking about the people closest to them, their own husbands and partners. If this doesn’t apply to you, fine, you’re great. Stop reading. But I’m guessing some of this will ring true for most of you.

As a man I’m well aware that other men just don’t get what their wives do all day while they’re out at work. When they get home and dinner isn’t on the table, the kids haven’t been bathed and dressed in their jammies ready for bed, and their work shirts haven’t been laundered, they get in a fluster and question what hell their wife did all day, while they were slaving away in the office.

If when they walk through the door their wife isn’t fawning over them with a cheery hello and a broad smile, if she isn’t dressed her best, if she hasn’t touched up her make-up, if the house is untidy, they think she’s some kind of miserable lazy slob.

These men DO NOT HAVE A CLUE

Now I’ve done some hard work in my time so I’m more than qualified to tell you that being a housewife or a stay at home mum, is hard graft. It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done in my life.

I’m not kidding you. I do this full time now, so I’ve seen this from both sides. To further put this into context, you need to know that I was a very ‘hands on’ dad anyway. I got heavily involved in all things domestic. But making the leap into doing it full time has really opened my eyes – it’s also left me exhausted.

The workload is astonishing. You are everything to everybody. You are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. You are the cook, the cleaner, the chauffer. You are the nanny, the nurse, the teacher. You manage the accounts, the household supplies (within a budget), and maybe three, four or five different schedules. You often have to be two different places at any one time. The schedule and the demands on your time can be overwhelming.

It can feel like an endless slog, and for those extra special weeks when the baby is waking up constantly through the night with a cough or cold, it can be tough to find enough energy just to get to the end of the day, never mind get anything done.

To cap it all…. this job doesn’t even pay.

Looking back, I’m pretty certain that most days when I came home from work to find my dinner waiting for me, I nearly always failed extend the small courtesy of saying ‘thank you’. Not because I’m some kind of jerk, but because I had no concept of what it took to get that meal on the table. I do now!

If I got home and my wife wasn’t on cloud nine and full of the joys of spring, I had no idea it was because the little ones had been playing merry hell just five minutes before I walked through the door, and I just caught her at a bad moment. Oh, I do now!

Oh boy, I know it all too well now

If I don’t hear a thank you after the dinner I spent an hour preparing, while the kids were running around fighting and screaming, it hurts just a little.

If my wife seems cross with me for not appearing happy when she comes home from work, I feel just a little crushed; because I’ve been happy all day and I’ve been longing to see her but just before she came in, something happened to change my mood and I haven’t been able to recover in time.

I’m not complaining though, because now at least I understand.

My own circumstances may well be different to yours. I’ve got four children and two dogs. I do up to three school runs every day and walk the dogs twice a day, on top of that there’s the usual stuff to do. The laundry is a mammoth challenge with the amount of bodies in our home. And just a simple thing like rainy weather can add an extra hour of work to my day.

I now have a great deal more respect for the largely unrecognised work that mothers do, and an admiration for those who do it well. And if you are a single mother, I salute you because I just don’t know how you do it.

I’m working on getting more efficient and effective with my new job, it’s a slow process and I’ve had lots of setbacks. I will become good at what I do because it’s important to me that I do it well.

Walk a mile in her uncomfortable shoes

Men…, don’t take your wives for granted. They do much more than you know. If you don’t believe me, try it out for two weeks. Completely take over their role, without assistance and see how you get on – and sorry, a weekend just won’t cut it – it has to be two weeks minimum. If you don’t like the idea of giving up two weeks of your holiday entitlement, then spare a thought or your wife… she doesn’t get a holiday.

Tara Cain wrote a great article from an opposite (but not opposing) view point, highlighting how difficult some aspects of home life can be for dads. Please take the time to read it if you can, it adds some crucial balance to my own views.

If you have an opinion on my viewpoint (whether you agree or disagree) I’d love to hear it.

Dave.

Tagged as: Hard Work, Mom, Mother, Mum, SAHM, space hopper, Womens Work