I’ve pretty much relied on my own intuition when it comes to parenting.
I know! I’m crazy mad like that! Haha!
I haven’t read a single one of the ‘How To Raise Your Children’ manuals.
It’s not that I’m lazy or arrogant, but I just don’t see why I need a user manual for anything, let alone raising children. It’s built-in knowledge. We’re born with it.
Yeah right.
Well, to a degree I suppose it is right. We’re all here after thousands of years because our ancestors did something right. And even if they didn’t do a perfect job, it is possible to live a fulfilling life if you’ve been ‘dragged up’.
But I want to do it right – or at least as well as I can.
I want to teach my children how to live rich and fulfilling lives – and it starts in their childhood with learning how to behave.
Seven years into parenthood now, and I wish I had read a few books. I don’t suppose I would have slavishly adhered to everything I read but those resources might have sparked my imagination to find my own solutions to problems.
I say that because being the genius I am, I may have inadvertently hit upon one possible solution to the problem of disciplining my two oldest children, exactly because I used my imagination to take me beyond the naughty step/chair/room (none of which I’m dizzy wild about anyway).
So, I was really frustrated with their behaviour this week just gone. It wasn’t that they did anything ultra mega terrible, it was just the constant pushing of boundaries, the lack of manners and their utter glee at seeing me flustered and annoyed.
I tried my usual menu of options to control them, which started with shouting, and finished with shouting louder. I really am that versatile.
Well, OK, I tried threatening them first, but I just love shouting so much I didn’t spend too much time on the threats.
You know I’m joking with you a little don’t you? I am. A little.
Honestly though, I get annoyed with myself because when I’m not in position to deal with the nonsense, like when I’m driving or when I’m tending to one of their sisters or I’m otherwise under pressure I do tend to raise my voice with the boys – especially under the extreeeeeeme provocation of a five year old.
It’s a behaviour I’ve learnt over the years, and something I’m trying to unlearn as quickly as possible. I’m the adult after all and should behave like one. Plus – I know that if I shout…. they will shout (and they do).
The boys are getting wise to the way things work, and it’s not a great feeling to be out manoeuvred by people whose everyday vocabulary is predominantly centred around the word ‘poo’.
So, …desperate for something different, I thought back to the way that discipline was handled when I was at school and hit upon the idea of writing lines. At the time, while sitting there writing out, ‘I will not use foul, disgusting, despicable, deplorable language, I will instead express myself using dignified vocabulary’ one hundred times seemed to be just an exercise in wasting my time.
Now though, I see that there were some benefits.
During one episode in the car on the way to school towards the end of the week, I announced that I was introducing the ‘Hundred Square’. “Oh no Daddy, don’t make us do the Hundred Square.” came the meek response.
When I’d finished explaining it to them they were very unimpressed. The balance of power was coming back my way. But again, it’s not a great feeling to only just be able to get the better of a 7 year old.
The Hundred Square is very simple. I have a sheet of paper divided up into 100 squares. They start in the top left box by writing the figure ‘1’ and continue until they get to ‘100’. How many squares they have to fill in depends on the seriousness of their misconduct.
Needless to say it backfired on me beautifully, but this is where I saw the real potential. My seven year old did something naughty enough to warrant being asked to complete 40 squares and he was sent to the kitchen table with his Hundred Square.
He came back a short while later having filled in fifty squares and announced he’d do another 20. Off he went. He came back again and true to his word he’d now handwritten the numbers all the way through to 70.
He was so pleased with himself and cheekily declared that it wasn’t a punishment, he actually enjoyed doing it. Nah nah, nah nah nah! So there, with knobs on!
He didn’t know it but I was pleased with myself too, because I hadn’t found a ‘punishment’ I’d found a constructive distraction, through which he and his brother could improve their handwriting and number skills.
I’m not going to declare this concept a winner just yet. It’s only a half conceived notion so far, based on what is now probably an outdated principle, but I believe if it’s handled the right way it could be a winner.
So tell me. Have I hit on something here or am I going to create an aversion to learning and schoolwork?
Is my ‘empty’ threat, no threat at all?
Do you see any other possible benefits or even problems arising here?
If you can see how I could develop this further I’d love some suggestions.
AND…. Please don’t forget I’m still looking for Halloween themed blogs for my Best Halloween Theme post. If you happen across one I’d be grateful if you’d post a comment with a link, which I’ll then put in the main post and credit to you with a link back to your blog.
I’ll be back with a new post on Wednesday, and then again on Friday. Have a great week.
Dave.
