In What I Learnt From Crashing The Car – Part 1 I talked about walking in the woods with the dogs and all four of my children about this time last year. Toward the end of the walk one of the dogs went missing and I got myself into a right old tizzy.
Picture: envyxme
The kids were crying and wailing, bitching and moaning and getting right on my fraying nerves.
It wasn’t their fault, but it all added to the tension that I was feeling at that moment.
Getting into my car was the worst thing I could have done, but I did it.
On my way out of the woods in a temper filled determination to find that damned dog, I had to negotiate the car around some metal bollards and I totally misjudged it, shredding three panels on the side of my car.
Now back to the story…..
What - an - IDIOT!
I knew instantly what I’d done and I knew instantly that I was at fault.
From the back of the car came the shouts, “Daddy, Daddy, what’s happened?” “Daddy, you’ve crashed the car.”
My response was shameful.
In a disgraceful outburst I bellowed at them. I used a very angry voice accompanied by a very angry expression.
(I’m cringing with embarrassment as I type this.)
Again I immediately knew what I’d done and my heart sunk even further. To ensure I didn’t say anything else I’d later regret I got myself out to the car and walked 20 feet away.
What followed wasn’t pretty but amounted to a grown man having a man-sized fit of temper on a public road. I imagine it looked threatening, frightening and very silly and funny all at the same time.
But I needed to do it. I needed to vent. I had to get it out of my system.
You see, it wasn’t just the dog going missing and it wasn’t just the damaged car, it was months of pressure (most of it self imposed) that had brought me to this point.
I was dissatisfied in so many ways with my life and I laid the blame for that firmly at my own feet.
What I was at that point, was a collection of the decisions I had made for myself over a period of time, most of them were obviously poor decisions and I hated what I was becoming.
I felt out of control and overwhelmed at work and I felt out of touch and emotionally fatigued at home.
The challenges of raising four children all born in reasonably quick succession and a stressful job (which I wasn’t enjoying), combined with other issues (including my inability to manage the internal an external conflicts they produced) to bring me to this point – an almost complete loss of control.
Standing looking at the torn metal of my car having shouted and screamed for couple of minutes, I could have sworn I was crying - except there were no tears.
I was in a sorry state.
The very next thing I did was phoned my wife.
It’s at moments like these when you recognise the value of strong relationships. At that moment she became the adult voice for both of us and she reassured me that everything would be okay. And it was.
I collected my thoughts and my composure and returned to the car. I reassured the children that their daddy was fine. The children were adamant that they were to blame because they’d been shouting and arguing but I assured them they were not and that it was no one’s fault but mine.
It took me twenty minutes to get that message through to them, followed by several other one off attempts throughout the day.
The guilt they were feeling had been triggered by my reaction in the car in addition to my earlier aggravated behaviour. It’s something I never ever want them to feel again.
I knew back at the scene that I was going to do something about my situation but this knowledge of the guilt my children were feeling doubled my resolve.
I got my act together that day and immediately started to change the things I didn’t like.
I started getting up at 5am and exercising. I started eating better and eating less. I got into work earlier and got back on top of my hellish workload. I got myself organised properly at home and at work and I started to feel better about myself.
I stopped moaning at work and started to use positive language. I stopped wasting my time with time wasters and started to make progress.
The weight came off and I became so much more productive at work and at home.
I learnt that having accepted the blame for the position I was in, and then done something about it, I was able to forgive myself and move closer to the image of myself I wanted the world to see – the real me.
The reminder that came from my little helper in the back of the car the other day wasn’t unusual, because as I say, I’m often reminded, but this time it caused me to remember what I’d felt at the time of the incident and how much that spurred me on to make some positive changes.
The point is, I don’t have to recreate the negative feelings associated with the incident to bring about similar changes now or in the future. I can use my children’s innocent but repeated reminders as the trigger to keep me motivated and changing for the better - because now I associate the incident with the successes that came about in the following weeks.
I look back on this now and I laugh about it. It’s just so damn ridiculous, how could I not laugh?
I mean, I’d lost the dog, lost my rag, trashed the car, thrown a major hissy fit like a pissy two year old and to cap it all…. I found the dog in the company of the Town Wardens who were kind enough to present me with a fine for letting my dog roam free. The utter fugging bar-stewards!
I learnt a good many things from that episode not least of which was that I had the power to change my life but one will stick with me forever… never drive while angry. 
Haha. And I bet you thought I was going to say that the Town Wardens are shits! 
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I’m going to tap into this source of inspiration again very shortly in relation to my lapsed fitness. I’ve been meaning to do something about it for weeks but it’s something I’ve been delaying with good reason. I’ll share that reason with you next week.
Have a great weekend, I’ll post again on Monday.
Dave.
One last thing…. Life Coach and all round funny fugger Tim Brownson had a guest piece published at ProBlogger. I don’t often write about the process of blogging here but it’s something that interests me greatly and I’m delighted to recommend this article concerning The Psychology of Blogging. Hey, if it’s good enough for me and Darren Rowse, it’s good enough for you. 
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