Not Without A Fight

My current lifestyle as a Stay-At-Home Dad is under threat and it’s far too good to be abandoned without a fight.

Picture: piccadillywilson

Over the Christmas period I had many conversations with friends and relatives about my situation.

I was surprised at how reluctant I was to admit that I didn’t really want to return to work.

I think this is partly because I need to give my wife some hope that she won’t be left to be the sole provider until the day I finally decide to hang up my apron.

My wife has been fantastic but I’ve given her plenty of cause to labour under the misapprehension that I’ve been unhappy at home.

I haven’t, but I can see why she feels that way. Unfortunately I’ve been singularly determined to accomplish my goals and I haven’t properly discharged the duties of a Stay-At-Home Parent.

At times I’ve been distant and grumpy and my frustration at my inability to achieve everything all at once has been all too evident.

I regret that I haven’t handled myself better in this regard, because my apparent conduct doesn’t reflect the true nature of my feelings.

Being at home ranks amongst the best things that have ever happened to me.

Most of the time I’m deliriously happy, but at the crucial times I fail to show it.

The next two months will give me a chance to address this and make better efforts to get the balance right.

During my conversations with friends and family I was also surprised at how reluctant I was to admit that I wanted to earn money by writing.

Probably because the idea seems quite preposterous when I consider how many truly talented writers are looking for a book deal or a column.

But there in lies the problem, I’m forever comparing myself to other people instead of being bull headed and forging on.

I am what I am and I need to let that shine through.

If it’s not good enough, then it’s not good enough, but pretending to be something I’m not or hiding some of the things that I am, is not the way to go.

Easier said than done, I know!

‘Finding my voice’ has been, and still is troublesome.

It’s no surprise really, I’ve learnt through two decades of Police service to speak like a politician. To subdue my true voice. Never letting words fall from my lips that can later be used as ammunition against me. It’s a stifling environment.

One of my priorities for the next two months is to write my backside off and post as frequently as I’m able, only in doing so will I see whether I have what it takes.

The biggest surprise that came from my Christmas conversations was how enthusiastically I spoke of the lifestyle I currently enjoy.

I felt proud explaining to others what I do and why I enjoy it. It’s a conversation I’m always eager to start with people because I have a lot to contribute and much to learn.

Rarely if ever do I find myself talking about the police in the same affectionate and warm manner.

I openly admit that I’m privileged to live this way and I couldn’t do it without the support of my wife.

Having a week away from the keyboard over Christmas gave me the chance to rake over the mistakes of last year and learn the lessons.

Just as importantly I’ve also learnt from the successes.

Fortunately, I’ve still got a little time to try to avert what – at the moment – seems like an inevitable return to work.

I did some great things last year to further my development as a Stay-At-Home Dad, but I’m conscious I only achieved half measures with some of the really important things.

I’ve changed my priorities around to see whether I can salvage a reprieve and I’ll write about it here.

I’ve started the assault on my future by signing up for Twitter, something I swore I would never do.

Ah, the lengths I’ll go to to remain chief snot wiper and bottom washer.

You can catch my snotty updates at http://twitter.com/DaveFowler

Tagged as: learning lessons, stay at home dad