My day is turning into a wreck already.
I loaded up the car with all the kids for the school run, collected another child en route and then battled the traffic only to get to school to find out it was closed. The boiler has packed up. The two boys were delighted. I was not.
Picture: Brent and MariLynn
I also learnt that playgroup was closed because the building wasn’t warm enough, so my eldest daughter was annoyed. So was I.
So then I battled the traffic in the other direction.
Not a massive problem, because I’m home all day so I don’t have to let down an employer or miss a day’s pay.
But I feel miffed.
And I feel guilty for feeling miffed.
I feel agitated because I had plans to achieve things today. Plans that revolved around only having to look after one quiet child.
Instead, all I’m hearing is…
Dad
Dad
Dad
Dad
Really and truly I should be pleased to get more time with the kids, but having spent two weeks with them climbing the walls they desperately need the sort of structure that school gives. The sort of structure I’m not at all geared up to give them.
Which of course is something else to feel guilty about.
Today I desperately wanted to get stuck into tackling my financial situation, but it’s the sort of thing I need to concentrate on. The sort of thing that, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad prevents or at least makes extremely extremely frustrating and difficult.
After both of my boys misbehaved on Monday I told them they would have an entire week without TV. Little did I know they would be at home with me all day today.
I’m going to stick to my guns and deny them TV, but as a consequence I’ll be busy helping them read, write, colour and make.
The swine of it is, I love to do these things. Just not today.
I need to drop my bad attitude quickly or I’ll find myself snapping at the children – they don’t deserve that – and what’s more, I’ll be setting the worst example possible.
I hear a lot said about a Mother’s Guilt. Perhaps this is some of what I’m feeling today?
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Ah yes, my friend, Mother’s Guilt. A real shitter that one.
You just have to rise above it. Enjoy your day with them, silently curse the school caretaker, and pick up tomorrow.
It’s difficult enough with 2 children ‘what can we do now’ing, but 4? All credit to you, Dave. If you come out the other end sane, it will have all been worth it!
Tara@Sticky Fingers´s last blog post..How to torture mummy
I’ve been in similar situations. Yeah that’s probably some guilt. Tomorrow will be better and your children will not be permanently warped because of one day. That’s the Mother’s Hope.
On days my children are home and I have to do finances, sometimes I have to let them watch TV and sometimes I have to wait till hubby gets home and ask him to take them out of the house and give them more attention than I can. All you can do, is all you can do.
Avlor´s last blog post..“New Look” and Tagged
What is it they say? The best laid plans…
Sounds like you might have been venting your frustration here rather than venting on the kids. I hope that’s the case, any way.
Mike Goad´s last blog post..Eyes of the Great Depression 010
ya, that would be Mother’s Guilt, but the kids won’t be scared for life. This must be an international phenomenon today… I have one kid sick (could be faking. She’ll be doing allot of math homework today to find out), and them my boys had school canceled due to an ice storm (I was supposed to have a phone conf with one of their teachers today too). Had much writing to do – like your day, that is all shot.
CK Lunchbox´s last blog post..Vacation Slides & Prozac
It’s exactly what you’re feeling. It’s like what Mike said though. At least your venting your frustration here instead of at home.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..New Year’s Re-Solutions
Tara
It got worse before it got better, but all is well now. Sanity intact.
Avlor
The guilt probably helps to identify where my attention should really be directed. I can do most things with the children except work with numbers.
“All you can do, is all you can do” True!
Mike
You got me there. I am venting here because I know the way I feel is unreasonable. But it is the way I feel – or at least the way I felt. It passed after a while.
CK
Much of what I feel probably comes from trying to cram too much in to my life and having unrealistic expectations of what I can achieve. Your day and my day has probably been much the same as millions of other parents across the globe. I’m smiling now though.
Writer Dad
I took my frustrations out here on the screen. It’s like free therapy. Thanks for listening.
Oh, but think of the teachers Dave, think of the teachers! At home, with daytime telly, catching up with all their marking! Unexpected days off are wonderful for them. Every cloud, and all that…
Tim´s last blog post..Cheat!
Ah yes Guilt! I know her/him well! I get that feeling when I read perky blogs where mums are doing loads with their children and Meggers is watching Noddy for the um teenth time so I can get my blog on and take care of household chores (the mere order of those items should tell you my priorities are a little skewed). I imagine the pangs of guilt I feel now are gearing me up for when she’s 30, in therapy and blaming it all on me. Ach well we do the best we can right?!
Kirst´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Meggers gets a manicure!
PS you should link this to Sprite’s Keeper’s Spin Cycle it’s all about guilt (she’s on my blogroll).
Kirst´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Meggers gets a manicure!
Oh yes it is.
I think it’s the first time I’ve ever heard a man talk about feeling this type of guilt.
Hi Dave – It’s never fun when our plans don’t go on schedule, but at least you realize what’s causing your “grief”. Hopefully tomorrow goes better and you can concentrate on that which you hoped to accomplish today.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog post..Attract Readers – Make Your Blog A Safe Haven
Guilt makes you gain weight. Stop it!
Turf Dad´s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh In Week 6
@Turf Dad. Is that what it is? Guilt? Right, that’s it, I’m never feeling guilty again. Sod the lot of them.
Tara@Sticky Fingers´s last blog post..How to torture mummy
Tim
Ah, yes the teachers. I love the teachers. Dedicated professionals hamstrung by targets. I looooooove the teachers.
Kirst
I don’t read those blogs – they make me feel inadequate. Besides, I think half of them are probably works of fiction. Noddy gets n my nerves. I keep waiting for big ears to slap him upside the head.
Thanks for the link. I’ll check it out a little later after I’ve caught up on all the responses I ignored yesterday. I’m a bad man.
Vered
I think I’ve felt it before, but only now is it starting to seep into my consciousness. I’ve lost my immunity. I wonder how many men feel this kind of guilt but won’t admit it?
Barbara
These things tend to be short lived for me. I get cross and then get over it. It’s nice to vent though. Saves me bottling it all up.
Turf Dad
Too right. It sent me straight to the kitchen. And then I had something else to feel guilty about.
Tara
He’s a wise man, isn’t he?