One of the things I feared most about taking over the full time care of the children, has happened.
Our youngest daughter who’s just turned two has found big love for her Daddy.
Picture: Alicia blmurch
In some ways I’m ecstatic about it because it’s probably the nearest I’ll get to feeling the bond between mother and baby.
But in other ways I feel crushed because of what my wife must feel.
My daughter and I were enjoying some rough and tumble on the floor the other day and she just grabbed my head with both hands and looked deep into my eyes for what seemed like minutes. Her big smiling eyes were staring into my soul and I just melted.
There was something different about this look she gave me. It was a look I haven’t seen from either of my boys or my eldest daughter.
It’s not the only sign though.
If she cries and wants comforting she comes to me, rejecting mummy on the way.
During our evening quiet time, she has to be attached to me like a limpet.
At bedtime she kicks up a real fuss if I’m not the one tucking her in.
And when she wakes at night she calls for Daddy.
All of which makes me feel like I’m rubbing my wife’s nose in it, when of course I’m not.
My wife has obviously given this some prior thought because she said she was expecting it.
Even so, sometimes I still catch a glimpse of hurt on her face as the child she carried for 9 months and nursed so lovingly shuns her in favour of me.
I love the Daddy Love, it’s very special, but now I’ve had the most fleeting insight into the love between a mother and child, I know how painful it must be for my wife.
I hope my wife isn’t heart broken…
…and I hope that she regains the top spot in our daughter’s heart very soon.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
What a poignant post. I think this development is not to be unexpected, seeing as how you’re the primary parent in her daily experience. It’s natural for her to attach.
I’m a Daddy’s girl. I adored my father, and miss him every day, though he’s been gone over 25 years. I’m not sure exactly when the bond strengthened into a preference, but I can remember at about the age of five, being taught to fish with a cane pole, gardening, etc., so it must have been about that time. No coincidence that my mother must have been burdened by the needs of the younger children, either.
You’re so giving, hoping that Mommy reclaims the top spot. I think one of the best lessons children can learn is there’s enough love to go around for everyone. Obviously, your daughter is too young, intellectually, to learn it yet, but it will transfer by example.
Betsy Wuebker´s last blog post..WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?
It’s a real girl thing, Dave. Sally’s just the same and Charlie – I suspect – will be a… oh no!!!
Tim´s last blog post..Cheat!
I have a friend going through exactly the same thing. She was ill for much of her daughter’s early years and so naturally daddy took charge of everything. Now, of course, he is always the first arms she runs to.
It’s just the laws of nature. Dads usually suffer because they are out at work and it’s mum who provides the food, dresses them, wipes their bum.
But rest assured, your daughter will reach an age when all she wants to be is mummy: look like her, act like her, wear make up like her. then it will be her time!
I have that to contend with for my son. Right now he is so a mummy’s boy, but I know that soon he will switch to dad on his journey to manhood. I find that really really difficult to deal with, but I know it’s just a stage. He’ll come back to mama eventually! They all do!
As well as that, I think the bond between a father and his daughter (s) is just beautiful. I never had that and I really feel like I missed out, so enjoy it and nurture it while you can and before she’s calling you an old fogie and refusing to be seen in your company!
Tara@Sticky Fingers´s last blog post..How to torture mummy
I’ve been in your wife’s shoes and I’m the one that’s at home taking care of the kiddos! For a good while they always wanted Daddy. Then one night I wasn’t home to help tuck them in and they were awake when I came home and kissed them. They let me know that I was the one they missed. It made all the difference in the world. That time will come for your wife too. Give her a hug for us in the mean time.
Avlor´s last blog post..Costume Idea II
That’s very touching and an obvious sign you are doing something right. That bond between mother and daughter is pretty strong in the big picture so I’m sure she will gravitate in that direction in time. You’re lucky to have such special place in her heart right now. It will make an impression for life on her.
Today, my oldest step-daughter, who still has a slight resistance to me, gave me a big hug before getting on the bus. It surprised and melted me at the same time. She will always have her own dad, but I still hope to have at least an ounce of what you described with your own daughter.
CK Lunchbox´s last blog post..A Flare For The Dramatic
Enjoy it, Dave. I’m sure your wife would want you to. There’s nothing quite like a daughter’s love; it’s one of my favorite subjects. Roll around in it, that’s probably what she’d want you to do.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..Lobster Racing
My 3 year-old has been a “daddy’s girl” for about 2 years now. However, she also knows that mummy is there for her when I’m not present/busy etc. I know – since I have 4 grown-up daughters – that in time she will want to copy everything mummy does, and mummy will become the most important person in her life. I also know – since I also have sons – that there is nothing quite like that special daddy/daughter bond. It is really precious and I am so glad that you are getting to experience it. You also seem to have a rather wise wife!
You’re gettin’ the love because you’ve earned it. Revel in it, enjoy the moments. And know that your wife, her mother – has allowed you this opportunity – enjoy these moments… And, if I may say so, your wife must be a pretty awesome lady…
Lance´s last blog post..Sunday Thought For The Day
It is sad for your wife, but I think the fact you are so concerned for her feelings in this makes all the difference. Your little girl does have a good daddy.
MayB´s last blog post..Instinct
Oh, I get this! I always feel this way when my kids favor me- which they do pretty much all the time. But you wife knows why it’s like that right now. Be thankful for the precious moments
Adrenalynn´s last blog post..I guess that Darwin guy was on to something
Betsy
It’s amazing for a father to be able to have such an input into the lives of my young children. The two boys remember me going out to work but the two girls will probably only remember me being at home.
You said it. There is enough love to go around.
It was very touching to hear that you adored your father. I hope I become a good enough father that my children speak that way of me one day.
Tim
I like being so close to my children. It’s a whole world of wonderful that so many fathers never get to experience. It’s good to hear that you have had the same experience.
Tara,
I hope she does gravitate back to her mum at least for the hugs and comfort. I love the Daddy Love, but I don’t want my wife to feel I’ve taken her place. I could never do that, she’s such a fabulous mother.
What I have with my children right now is one of the reasons I don’t want to go back to a traditional way of working. I’d miss out on these very special years. Of course that in turn means that mummy has to go to work and so misses out.
Ideally I’d like to find a way to make an income big enough so that we could both be at home more often (and I haven’t finished trying to achieve that!).
I loved your story about your son and his kisses and hugs. He is obviously mummycentric at the moment and as a result I bet you can make yourself cry even thinking that he might switch over to daddy one day – you silly sausage!
Avlor
That’s a lovely story. I feel better for hearing it. And when I think about it…. When mummy walks through the door in the evening the kids throw their arms up in the air and run to her shouting her name. That probably helps a lot.
CK
It didn’t occur to me that I might be doing it right, but obviously somewhere I’ve struck a note with my youngest. I did wonder if she’d had another little awakening like small children do, and because I was the first thing she saw, it made me her mummy. I know that’s probably not right though.
The moment you describe with your eldest is the sort of moment you’ll treasure for a long time. Hearing about it made me smile.
Writer Dad
I’m sure you’re right. I don’t think my wife would begrudge me these moments and maybe seeing how I am with her babies (and in saying that, I know they’re our babies) will further strengthen the bond between us.
Robert
It’s fantastic the read the way it’s worked out for you and it helps me to put into perspective what I’m seeing right now. My eldest daughter (3) is a total mummy’s girl so that helps take the edge off it. I’m glad you understand how this made me feel, and yes, my wife has a sound (and pretty head) on her shoulders. Thank you.
Lance
I recognise that I may never see this again. I know that children are prone to sudden swings of favour and affection so as you advise, I’ll savour it.
My wife is terrific! Well, you’ve seen what she has to put up with.
Thanks Lance. Very much!
MayB
Thank you so much or saying such lovely things. I try hard and I don’t always get it right, but I try and that’s the main thing right? I love my children and I love my wife, hopefully they’ll fogive me the rest?
Adrenalynn
I think you’re right. My wife’s very good about it. It’s just the occasional flicker of sadness I see when the little walks past her to get to me. It won’t be like this forever and Mummy will reclaim her rightful place – and in the mean time I shall treasure the feelings.
Hey Dave – Thought I’d share the award luv that Tara shared with me. You deserve it (in a good way of course)!
Avlor´s last blog post..Wii Fit and Blog to Fit Update #9
My niece is a daddy’s little girl. He’s not a stay-at-home parent, either… she just prefers her daddy.
GreenJello´s last blog post..Migraines and Headaches
Awwww bless! You know that’s her reeling you in so that you’ll give her whatever she wants in the future. Enjoy it hun, there are tooo many fathers out there that aren’t in their childrens lives, sad to say my dad was one of ‘em. Mums know their children love them!
Kirst´s last blog post..Her first Karate test!!!
Avlor
Thank you. I love awards. Is it for being the rudest boy in town?
I’m joking of course I know what it’s for already, so, Thank you! I’ll collect it formally next week. *G-RIN*
Green Jello
That makes sense. I suppose it can just happen for no other reason than the child’s preference at the time, regardless of who’s around the most.
Kirst
It sets my mind at ease to read that. Thank you. I’m a lucky guy and I know it too. My wife is fine about it. It’s too hectic here to get to hung up about these things. And OH YES they are manipulating me. When my wife and the two girls are together I keep expecting to see a cauldron near by.
Love is great isn’t it?!
Enjoy it.
Tomorrow she will probably be chucking herself on the floor having a tantrum and looking at you with her angry eyes.
My youngest is a daddy’s girl through and through. I think it is lovely and special. I know there is enough love for us all to share.
And quite frankly if she is screaming for him at 3am – he’s quite welcome to her!
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aconfusedtakethatfan
Ooo yeah. Love is great especially when given without reservation. I do get the cross eyes too and I also get called at 3am and 4am and 5am etc. LOL