As if further proof were needed that small children addle your brain….
Following on from my recent absentmindedness causing me to make two trips to get a punctured tyre changed, I bring you new proof of my jelly brain.
Picture: whatleydude
I walked into the living room the other day and my wife, who was reclined on the sofa – while I was dashing about doing everything. EVERYTHING! 
– threw a puzzled look down at my feet.
Being so busy, I felt sure that they must have been on fire and it was the flames that had drawn her attention.
But it was in fact that I was wearing odd slippers – as in different to each other, not novelty slippers – I just hadn’t noticed. And of course it’s normal to own two pairs of slippers. Who doesn’t?
Actually, owing two pairs of slippers is new, but it makes me feel ostentatious.
It did look very funny, and although I tried to pass it off as a deliberate attempt to amuse my wife, she wasn’t falling for that old codswallop. She did the only thing she could in the circumstances…. she took the piss.
Pah!
Having made a mental note to myself to always check I was sporting matching footwear, I went back about my business of being chief cook and bottle washer.
A few days passed and a few more brain cells died.
As I bowled in through the front door having been out to do a major supermarket shop and then stopping off to collect my eldest girl from playgroup, I found my wife looking at my feet again. I thought, “Crikey, my wife has a secret fetish that she’s kept hidden from me all these years.”
Nope!
Oh YES my friends, you’ve guessed it!
I’d done it again. Thankfully not slippers – but trainers.
I must have looked such a pillock, strutting about in trainers of different designs and patterns. Granted they were near enough the same basic colour but they were different enough to be noticed.
I wondered why so many people had been smiling at me – and now I know.
The moral of this story:
Children rot your brains – live with it!
You can follow the destruction of my brain cells here. The updates are automatic and cost you nothing. Go on. You know you want to. Go ahead and subscribe
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Ah yes, Dave – blame it on the children! I’ve tried that one – my wife isn’t buying it here…
Lance´s last blog post..This Is A Day Of Joy
But Dave, don’t you find blogging keeps the neurons nifty? No, me neither! (Good fun, though – where I would I have been able to laugh at an ex-cop wearing odd slippers? Actually, there was a cop called Slipper, wasn’t there? Slipper of the Yard! Or is it my brain going?)
Tim´s last blog post..Party Party!
I’m jealous! Two pairs of slippers AND two pairs of trainers!!!! Rich b***er. Btw, I’ve already subscribed.
Dave – I come here to learn more great words: gobsmacker, pillock, codswallop. It reminds me of a long-ago web application which was the Shakespearean Insult List. You got to pick two adjectives and pair them with a noun, generating insults such as “you carbuncled, nose-grinding ratsbane.” I wonder if that’s still around. I printed it, but the paper turned brown and disintegrated, it was so long ago. Anyway, each show you put on is better. Thanks.
Betsy Wuebker´s last blog post..WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?
Good heavens Dave, what kind of father are you blaming your kids for your brain rot? I would never ever EVER do that to my two precious bundles of fun!
Oh and Robert, I LOVE your comment!
Tara@Sticky Fingers´s last blog post..A rant
There are days it seems running after the kids kills brain cells quicker than alcohol. After one particularly hard day I was at a thrift store and found a really great shirt – so much so I wanted to wear it when I got home. After putting it on something seemed odd to me … the buttons seemed different somehow. It was a lady’s blouse. Boy did my wife had fun with that one.
CK Lunchbox´s last blog post..I Just Can’t Harp On This Enough
I think kids suck us of energy and brain cells to use for themselves.
The good news is that they’ll probably have kids of their own, and the same thing will happen to them.
GreenJello´s last blog post..Migraines and Headaches
@Green Jello – Yes it’s “The Curse” – I hope you have children just like you.
Even asking to get it revoked doesn’t work (even with a parent willing to revoke the curse).
@Dave – Children aren’t the cause. They provide an opportunity to see where in more chaotic situations we are lacking and improve upon our remembering and organizational skills. (Hypocrisy and sarcasm are killing me now.)
Congrats – you have entered the chaos zone that’s not ever going away. My mom used to leave her reading book in the fridge and blame my brother and I. (He’s never fessed up so I think she left it there.) Now I find myself leaving my knitting in odd spots. (help!) You’re not alone.
Avlor´s last blog post..Wii Fit and Blog to Fit Update #9
Thank goodness! Now I can blame it on my daughter rather than getting older
Kim Woodbridge´s last blog post..Lessons in Backing Up – The Journalspace Disaster
Hey Dave. Gee… how would you know which is the best foot to put forward. They both look pretty nifty! I’ve done that before but not with as much flair as you — one sock was navy and one was black. I’ll have to try harder the next time.
Davina´s last blog post..Blog + Comment = Win
I went off to teach one day and as I was crossing the parking lot thought “I wonder, did I put on navy-blue tights to match my navy-blue shoes?” A quick check reavealed that while I did have on blue tights, I had on only one blue shoe. The other was black. Lesson of the day? Do not buy identical pairs of shoes, no matter how comfortable, or for corn’s sake at least check the blessed mirror BEFORE LEAVING THE HOUSE!!
Oi, I guess my theory that I was leaking brain cells through the milk isn’t panning out. Pity, I thought that meant my children would be super smart.
I did the same thing, luckily in the house, wearing one Croc and one regular shoe. The thing was I couldn’t figure out why I was limping until my husband pointed out my shoes were different!
Tracy´s last blog post..This is just to say I have eaten the haggis that was in the can
Welcome to my life. Actually, I’ve always blamed my erm, absent-mindedness on you know, giving birth and breastfeeding at night and all that boring stuff, but sure. Hijack the one thing us moms have going for ourselves. Also: ohmygawd, I just laughed my behind off picturing you with odd slippers. Know what you should do next? Drive the kids to school in your pajama pants! Please?
Adrenalynn´s last blog post..And now I’m off to bed.
Adrenalynn! You are REQUIRED to drive the kids to school in your pajamas and robe! I’m telling you! I did it for YEARS, praying that the car wouldn’t break in sub-zero weather, or that I’d have to brave the torrential rain in my house slippers. You do this because 1) after the darlings are ensconced in the hallowed halls of learning you may return to the sanctity of your home where everyday you lounge on the sofa with bon-bons and champagne and 2) it embarrasses the hell out of them when they reach a certain age. A flannel nightie peeking out of a fur coat’s neckline is the BEST! I’d spot the other mothers at a traffic light and we’d point and give each other a thumbs-up!
Betsy Wuebker´s last blog post..WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?
Oh Dave, this is hilarious. Once when my little guy was only a few months old, I went to the office wearing two different shoes…with two different heel heights and since I was 30 miles away from home, I had to deal with it for the whole day.
Tricia´s last blog post..Do You Let It All Hang Out?
Let me know when you wear your shirt inside out all day and even family member aren’t nice enough to tell ya..lol Ach well at least you know most other parents will give you that look of “poor bugger”. ~snicker~ Really I’m not laughing! Bwah hahahaha!
Kirst´s last blog post..Her first Karate test!!!
Let me know when you wear your shirt inside out all day and even family member aren’t nice enough to tell ya..lol Ach well at least you know most other parents will give you that look of “poor bugger” along with a grin. ~snicker~ Really I’m not laughing! Bwah hahahaha!
Kirst´s last blog post..Her first Karate test!!!
Let me know when you wear your shirt inside out all day and even family member aren’t nice enough to tell ya..lol Ach well at least you know most other parents will give you that look of “poor bugger” along with a grin. ~snicker~ Really I’m not laughing! Bwah hahahaha!
Kirst´s last blog post..Her first Karate test!!!
I have experienced what I would call “mommy brain” before and I chalk that up to giving my kids all my decent, functioning brain cells while they were in utero, but this is the first time I’ve ever witnessed “daddy brain.”
I’m so glad it’s not just me
Kool Aid´s last blog post..Happy Birthday
Arrgghhh! You startled me! Where did all you people come from?
Sorry for the delay in replies but I had to wash my hair and comb pineapple chunks out of an ice cream van’s exhaust pipes.
Lance
Persist. If you say it often enough and with conviction it will eventually become true.
Tim
No, you’re brain is fully functioning. I think his name was Jack Slipper and I donlt know the full story but I think he investigated the Great Train Robbery. Sadly my pathetic knowledge of him ends there. I’m ashamed
Robert
LMAO. I also own two pairs of boxer shorts and two pairs of socks. Impressed now? Eh? Eh?
Betsy
That’s a brilliant game. I play it with my boys except that there’s no real format. We call each other names like ‘Door handle carpet nose’ – ‘Bath tap fish comb’ – ‘Barbie doll beetle couch’ – ‘Underpants toenail hair’. Not all that clever but it has them in stitches.
Tara
As you know, I’ve taken it a stage further and now I’m blaming them for my inability to lose weight. What next? My receding hairline? YEAH!!!
CK
Great tale CK. I love the idea your wife went to town on you. Hehe.
Men can wear a blouse these days I have several myself. I’m frightened to tell Robert though as he already thinks I’m a millionaire.
GreenJello
It’s like some beautiful self-perpetuating payback. My mum is currently laughing her matching socks off.
Avlor
You nearly had me there for a moment. I sat bolt upright in my chair ready to learn about my deficiencies as a parent. LOL
Kim
So getting older is the problem! I guess at 40 I’m one of the oldest parents at the school gates and my youngest won’t be joining me at the gates for another 3 years. In the years to come other parents will see me as the Grandpa who comes to collect his grandkids. Ouch!
Davina
I have a brilliant way of making sure that I never wear odd socks. I only own black socks. Getting dressed in the dark holds no fears for me.
Mrs C
LOL. You saw the blue tights first and only clocked the shoes as an after thought. I hope you had a chance to change before you taught.
Tracy
That’s a great theory. If it had been true it would have had disturbing consequences with grown men everywhere spending half their waking day attached to boobies.
LMAO at your crazy limping stunt and your inability to figure it out. Did you think you had an uneven floor?
Adrenalynn
Sorry about that but I’m one of these new fangled modern men and it’s my duty to steal all your excuses. How else can I get credibility with the mothers at school if I can’t talk the talk?? Have a heart.
I won’t be driving to school in my PJ bottoms as I’m a naked sleeper. Too much info? Tough!!
Betsy
That would be a total nightmare to break down in the sleeping attire! I know a mother who used to bring her kids to school in her night gear. She wore a coat over the top but it would always drop open. This garment was flimsy and see through and the cold air would produce a chapel hat peg situation. I wasn’t the only parent who couldn’t keep their eyes averted – the mothers stared too. Hahaha
Tricia
Hahahahahahaha. That’s excellent. I’m sorry to be laughing about it but the different heal heights just conjures up an hilarious image.
Kirst
The short inside out is classic. And I LOVE your family for not telling you! Hahahaha. And you’re doing a really lousy job of not laughing wwth your Bwaaaa hahaha. Tsk!
Kool Aid
Yeah, when my wife used to claim it I just gave her a sideways look and felt pity for her having to make such dreadful excuses. Now the odd shoe is on the other foot I totally understand. I feel privileged to have such insight into a woman’s world.