There’s no hiding it. For quite a few months I’ve been pushing my boundaries and possibly my luck.
Photo: shadow–angel
Interestingly and surprisingly my boundaries continue to expand and so does my luck. The only thing that seems to diminish is time.
But as I continue to make progress both in life and online I remain vulnerable to influences which are out of my control.
It’s the same for all of us, so I certainly don’t consider myself to be special.
I’ve packed my life so full of activity of various descriptions that there’s little room for manoeuvre.
The ‘activity’ includes all the regular and routine things that have to get done. And yes, they do have to get done.
OK, so I won’t die if I don’t do them but there will be other undesirable consequences.
As an example, putting off the housework is sometimes necessary to cope when life gets busy, but it doesn’t take long for this tactic to backfire. Before you know it you can’t find things in amongst the mess. You get frustrated, you lose your temper quicker, and you raise your voice at the kids and your partner.
Quite quickly the task of getting back on top becomes too daunting, so procrastination sets in and the problem is amplified.
The chaos causes you to run late, which causes you to drive quicker, which leads to anxiety, frustration, distraction and then lack of judgement. Which can be bad behind the wheel of a car.
When everything is going well I have no problem. It all just about fits together with a bit of juggling.
Fairly obvious stuff I suppose, and yet that doesn’t stop the descent into chaos.
For the last four weeks I’ve had to contend with colds which have dragged on and on. I know I’ve mentioned this before, it seems to be a common feature of my life, but it’s the unseen extras that go with the colds that cripple me and my good intentions.
These include: Having the children home from school. Having to spend half an hour on the phone to get a doctor’s appointment. Visiting the doc with all the children in tow. Then picking up the meds and remembering what to administer to whom and when.
The children are extra whingy, whiney, moany and stroppy. They don’t eat. They don’t sleep and they won’t let anyone else sleep either. They wake me frequently with either pitiful moans or blood curdling screams, and they won’t be fobbed of with a pat on the head and a comforting word.
They’re just ultra demanding and want to be attached skin to skin for the whole time whether by day or by night.
I don’t begrudge my children the attention they want and need, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel frustrated.
The events of the last four weeks have influenced my own mood and my ability to progress my online endeavours. I’ve made commitments to people recently and I’ve felt bad that I haven’t been able to come through as quickly as would have liked.
Fortunately for me those people, Tara, Dave, Sean and Tim have remained generous in their support and quick to understand and forgive.
I just don’t like letting people down.
Lately I’ve eased up from blogging and reading blogs and my withdrawal is evidenced by the fact I’ve been slow to respond to comments. I’m certain I’ve made the right decision but I want you to know this doesn’t mean I’ve given up or that I will ever give up.
As I was procrastinating while trying to write this post, I flicked on the reader and caught Naomi Dunford’s latest offering which really hit home. It helped me to realise why I’m making these problems for myself by pushing my boundaries and my luck. It helped me realise why I’m writing guest posts and getting involved in other projects.
Naomi’s words helped me to put my own troubles into perspective and re-ignited my belief that it will all be worth it in the end. I know that I just need to persevere and continue to make the right decisions for me and my family – even if I inconvenience others – because I suspect they’ll forgive me as long as long I’m honest and open with them.
I only just kept to my commitment to post again today (being Tuesday). But I did it and I feel good about it.
I will post again this week but I’m afraid I can’t commit to a specific day, so instead of taking pot luck and clicking through, you might want to subscribe for free and have the post delivered to your reader.
If I’m slow to respond to comments I hope you’ll understand.
Dave.
PS In case you think I’m beating myself up…. I’m not 
PPS I’ve discovered that Naomi Dunford has a fantastic voice. I could listen to her talk about starting a home business for hours. Although her honeyed tones leave me somewhat distracted and unable to concentrate.
PPPS I’m still very happy
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